Spring Break & UGG Slippers...
This week is the first time I’ve been home since my Nana passed. She died just a few weeks after New Year, after I had gone back to school and the semester was on its way. My mother called and said that Nana was comatose, and had been for a week. They didn’t want to upset me, so they never told me until that day. A WEEK! I’m still pissed as hell about that. She was comatose for a week, and they didn’t tell me. They, my aunt and mother, wanted to let me have a chance to talk to her over the phone, because maybe she could hear me and it would ease her suffering. I was upset. I almost couldn’t choke the words out, but I did. I tried to sound cheerful and happy and upbeat, but there was no disguising my pain or my tears. I hated that Nana had been in this condition for a week and no one told me. No one thought I needed to know as soon as something happened. I made sure they knew that they were to call me as soon as anything else happened. My dad called about 30 minutes later, as I was trying to calm down with tea my roommate had made me with my sorority sisters. Nana had passed away, she was gone. This month would have been her birthday. I’ve spent my days and nights crying and remembering and being upset, but I guess I will never really get over it. She helped raise me, she was an idol. I wouldn’t be who I am, without her. I’m always going to be upset. I’m always going to want to cry when I think of all the great things she did, and then remember that she isn’t with me anymore.
So here I am, home for Spring Break, and sick with some sort of nasty combination of the Flu/Cold. It’s not fun. I drop my stuff off in my room and I notice a pair of slippers on the floor near my door. They weren’t mine, I looked at them, and they are a really nice, almost brand new pair of UGG house slippers. It hits me, they were Nana’s.
My aunt had bought them for her at Christmas time, and she almost never wore them because she was so bed ridden most of the time. My mother mentioned that she had put in them in my room because “they were so expensive, over $100, and you are the only one with teeny tiny feet like Nana.” She wanted me to try them on, to keep them. I am a little weird-ed out. I did try them on, and I told my mother I would keep them, but I was reluctant.
I know that she didn’t die in them, she hadn’t worn them in a week, maybe two. But still, it’s not like these are a pair of earrings or a vintage hat, these are current slippers! I look at them and I see her. Her trotting along with her wheel chair to lunch or listen to the tv or something. Talking with me about school and Alex and baseball. I feel weird taking them. I don’t want to sell them or give them away, but I’m just still a little sketched out. I feel like it’s too soon…is it too soon?
Could I think of this as an inheritance? That may ease my mind, they aren’t my pearls I’ll be getting at my wedding, which my Nana will never see (damn, I’m going to start crying again), but they are expensive. Thinking like a material girl, I will keep them. Thinking like the neurotic girl I am that misses her Nana, I’m not going to wear them for a while. I need some time to heal. She didn’t want a wake, or a service. She just wanted to be cremated. I think we are going down to Pensacola, FL her hometown, this summer to return her there. Something so simple is so very Nana, but it doesn’t do her justice.